Story

I feel the need to explain everything that happened with me due to the car accident. I really want this to be the last accident in my life. If someone out there wants me to die, I prefer to die now. Now when I am no one and I have done almost nothing on this Earth. Now when I have just dreams and I have no power to make them true. Now when I do not love....But please don't take me after I will realise all of these things. After I will do all the things I want, after I will have the power to HELP people in need. Don't take me when I will find the love...

As I said, I prefer to die now or to live forever!

*****
I couldn't sleep all that night before the accident and I do not know why. I was thinking about my plans...about my production company, about my NGO...and my PhD of course. I was thinking how to manage them...how to make meaningful projects with my NGO, great documentaries with my production company.....I was dreaming to teach at Uni as well. I was imagining my life between travelling around the World doing documentaries and participating at international conferences, giving speeches, helping people through my NGO....

I woke up happy and positive! That day I had so many things to do. I was listening to music, having a shower. I was dressing all in black... and even now I wonder why. I put no make up on my face, just a bit of perfume on my black dress. I didn't eat and I left home with a smile on my face.

I was not in a hurry. For the first time maybe.

I had an appointment at 9.30. I took the tube as always. When I arrived on the street, I didn't know where exactly the building I was looking for was located, so I asked many people, even a newspaper seller - no one knew. I was walking along the street for a while. A security guard man stopped me: "Miss, you are so beautiful!" I was smiled. " Can you help me to find the X building?" I asked. And he showed me...

It was wery close. I assured no car was coming from the left side. I crossed the first part of the road. I assured that no car was coming from the right side and I passed. ...or I intended to pass.

From here I remember nothing. I do not recall the moment when the car hit me. I realized that I was down on the street and I assumed that something happened. No pain, no fear. Just the smell of blood. I heard a lot of voices: "The ambulance is coming soon", "Try to not move her". I opened my eyes. I told them that I was ok: "I have no pain, I can talk, I can walk, I have an appointment in few minutes, so I need to go". They told me I was crazy. Anyways, I tried to get up. Two men helped me, holding my arms and my head. The taxi driver (I found out after that that a taxi hit me) gave me a lot of tissues to stop the bleeding from my head and my nose. I couldn't stop it..so I lied down on the taxi coach. After one minute I realized that I couldn't move. The pain was coming step by step. I felt pain everywhere, especially inside my brain and around my neck. I was feeling like thousands of needles were pushing inside my neck. Soon I realized I couldn't move my head.
The ambulance came. They put me something around my neck and moved me on the portable bed. I was lying down with my face up and I could see only lots of phones filming me and the clear sky. I was so so cold and I heard they were concerned because my blood pressure was getting low. "Hey, don't worry" , I whispered, "usually I have a very low blood pressure". They smiled and put a blanket on my body. In the ambulance there were two young men, thin and handsome. One of them held my hand all the time. Both were trying to keep me awake: "what's your name? How old are u? ...oh.....I nice , we are the same age, I am 26th too".

I do not remember if I said "thank you" to them when I arrived to the hospital.