Almost the end of the year.
I had a dream. I was watching the sea…or the ocean…don’t know exactly. It was a beautiful day and the sun was shining, reflecting it’s rays into the blue-coloured water. There were coming some showy, nice, shiny ships and somehow I was waiting for them. Also, in the sea or whatever, I saw dolphins bathing and jumping in and out of the water. I woke up with a smile on my face – such a beautiful dream – remembering the time when I saw for the first time dolphins in real :)
I end this year with minus two people in my life, people I considered being so close to my soul. People I considered that they will never go out of my life. People who use to say that they want to keep me close. People who told me that we have a special connection which will never end. But just people… And still: People I do care and this can’t change. Because I do not change. I will be forever the same Victoria. In any time you will find the same smile, the same shiny eyes and the same sincerity. I know I am not perfect. I do not expect somebody to be perfect. That’s why we are human beings, right? I find an interesting beauty in being simply ‘not perfect’. That’s why I can forgive. Always. And I can still smile.
When are we hurt, we tend to reject everything. When we try to reject somebody from our life, is just because we have got hurt, am I right? But I simply do not want to hurt anybody. Because I know how it is. I do ask for forgiveness if I ever hurt someone - and even so, I did it unconscious.
I feel released. I know I need to move on. ‘With you, or without you’ (joking, it is just that movie, remember?) And I keep open. I can’t say that I will never call u (because I can’t keep this promise); I can’t say that I will never write to you (because that’s not me); I can’t say that I will forget everything (because it was too beautiful to be forget). I can only say that I will move on. As I always do.
I will not hope, I will not wait, I will not intrude in any way. I will not judge, criticize, beg. I think I did it enough. The time will show us all the truth and what’s better to do, or what was better to do. At that time, perhaps you will not be able to change anything, but at least you will KNOW.
I have learned so many things. From you. So, thank you so much for that indeed. I do like to take a little bit from everyone, just to better myself. I think that I will learn all my life. But this is what I like to do, remember?
And I still think that 2012 is a good year for me.